I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN...

Go ahead and fill in the blank. There are no “right” answers. This isn’t a test. It’s just a gauge of where you’re at.
You might say, “when my kids graduate,” “when I have a million dollars in the bank,” “when I retire,” “when we can move into a bigger house,” “when I get that promotion,” “when I have that relationship,” etc. Your answer can be whatever you like. It can even be more than one thing!
The list of ways we can fill in the blank is endless, but it’s an illusion. When we get the million dollars, we’re not satisfied — we want another million. When the kids are finally out of the house, we’re not really free; some other responsibility soon demands our attention. When we get that promotion, we have more work than we can handle and can’t make it home before 10 on any given night.
While we believe achieving a goal will somehow make us happy, the goal line always moves slightly beyond our reach. There’s nothing wrong with that. Without goals we would never achieve anything. Yet, the Great Western Disease of “I’ll be happy when…” – meaning we fixate on the future at the expense of enjoying the life we’re living now – is something we’d do well to look at.
Frequently, we believe that happiness is a static and finite goal, within our grasp when we get that promotion, or buy that house, or find that mate, or whatever. It’s inculcated in us by the most popular story line in contemporary life: There is a person. The person spends money on a product or service. The person is eternally happy…
This is called a TV commercial. The average American spends 140,000 hours watching TV commercials. Some brainwashing is inevitable. Is it any wonder that we become so attached to any change we make that we think it will change us forever? We set a goal, and mistakenly believe that in achieving that goal we will be changed forever, happy at last. But this just isn’t so in most cases.
So, what’s the solution?
It’s more simple than you think – but not that easy for most of us to do. The solution is to detach from the goal, to let go of the end result and focus on the effort and the process rather than achieving the goal.
When we distract ourselves from our obsession with results and outcomes, we are free to appreciate the process of change and our role in making it happen. We’re no longer frustrated by the languid pace of visible progress—because we’re looking in another direction. And, we’re not expecting a “happily ever after…” we get the car, the house, the relationship, etc., but living each day doing our best to change our lives and our behavior for the better of ourselves and of those around us.
K.S.Asnr.

 

 

THE MOST SUCCESSFUL LEADERS ARE UNIQUE.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde

As human beings, we all are unique and initially have a particularity to look and act like nobody else. We have to stay true to ourselves and avoid succumbing to the temptation of being others. Every day, this is a hard lesson to teach to ourselves and to our children as well. Last night, I tried to convince my 4 year-old daughter again that she is not allowed to wear nail polish at school, while other little girls in her class wear these beautiful summer colors.
Sadly, peer pressure starts very early. We all live in frantic societies, where the thought of being authentic to ourselves is devoured by pressure from our peers and the media, who dictate who we should be and what we should do to fit into these false societal molds. It is always easier to copy others, than to simply accept ourselves.
Authenticity is a rare and high-priced commodity; in fact, people have to fight fiercely to be who they truly are, because it might disturb these fabricated norms. This struggle is a mission of its own, that many of us dismiss for convenient reasons, and lack the time to really think about it. We simply give up our uniqueness to become another version of us that will comply and quickly be dissolved into the crowd.

True mental and physical characteristics of a leader matter

We should stop apologizing for who we are and what we believe in. Let's remember that one day, we were all born with unique characteristics, that made us unrepeatable. Physical characteristics are a deep part of who we really are, and an effective leader cannot ignore the emotional impact that their own physical appearance has.
In fact, research has shown that appearance is important in leadership. Your physical appearance, verbal expression, business etiquette, and online presence determine how you are truly perceived. However, the focus on each individual's uniqueness is often dismissed.
The key to success is not to copy others. As a matter of fact, we should really comprehend that we are not Mark Zuckenberg of Facebook and cannot adopt his casual leadership style, unless we are following our own creative style. We also should not build a very pushy, unintellectual, and scandalous Kardashian-type brand in order to think we are successful people. To tell the truth, the definition of success itself is very debatable. Is making money the definition of success? Is overdosed media exposure success? Certainly everybody is entitled to their own perception of success.
Indeed, success is multifaceted, and we have to understand that our image is a part of it. Our image is a precious asset that distinguishes us from others. A multitude of resources are available regarding the development of our mental skills that can help improve ourselves and our careers. We are so eager to develop new skills and competencies that we completely forget to develop our basic physical characteristics as well.
We should work on naturally developing our physical characteristics because we know that they also matter. Our internal identity should match our external image. We should put more focus on our smile, eye contact, and have a positive and energetic attitude. Looking healthy and fit are also fundamental aspects of success. These traits should be a true reflection of who we really are from the inside.
However, we all know that change does not happen overnight and building the real you day by day is an exciting adventure. Looking and being fit is not about following the trends on the magazines. On the contrary, it is finding your own pace as a unique individual to exercise. For instance, by lowering your stress level, you can feel good about yourself and be more confident.
The development of our physical characteristics is as important as our mental skills because they are part of who we really are as leaders. As we improve our intellectual skills, we have to work on our own physical aspects as well. Focusing on how we physically interact with people is fundamental. To be able to improve ourselves we have to accept ourselves the way we are. It is a personal journey that leads us to improve our self-presentation in an authentic way. As leaders, we need positive physical and mental characteristics that define us and lead us to success.
Success is naturally created by each of us in his/her own way; it should not be copied.

K.S.Asnr.

What Successful People Know that You Need to Learn!

This might surprise you, but success is all about structure. As a matter of fact, we do not get better, we do not change our behavior, and we do not become successful without it! Yet, most people don’t. Not only is having and utilizing structure a challenge, but you have the added test of incorporating the right structure – meaning a structure that fits the situation and personalities involved, including yours.
Yet, it’s critical. In my years of coaching and research on change, I have learned one key lesson, which has near-universal applicability: We do not get better without structure.
My friend and former coaching client Alan Mulally knew this and used his concept of organizational structure when he was CEO of Ford. It was off-the-shelf structure, but it was his shelf. It mirrored his training and mindset as an engineer. It was a structure of zero tolerance—for personality clashes, for putting self above team, for any deviation from the rules. It worked for him and Ford spectacularly.
No idea looms bigger in Alan’s mind than the importance of structure in turning around an organization and its people. I believe that the Business Plan Review (BPR) process that he has developed is the most effective use of organizational structure that I have ever observed.
When Alan arrived at Ford he instituted mandatory weekly Thursday morning meetings, known as the Business Plan Review(BPR) with his sixteen top executives and the executive’s guests from around the world. No side discussions were allowed at the meetings, no joking at the expense of others, no interruptions, no cell phones, no handing off parts of the presentation to a subordinate. Each leader was expected to articulate his group’s plan, status, forecast, and areas that needed special attention. Each leader had a mission to help—not judge—the other people in the room.
Alan began each BPR session in the same way: “My name is Alan Mulally and I’m the CEO of Ford Motor Company.” Then he’d review the company’s plan, status, forecast, and areas that needed special attention, using a green-yellow-red scoring system for good-concerned- poor. He asked his top sixteen executives to do the same, using the same introductory language and color scheme. In effect, he was using the same type of structure that I recommend in my coaching process and applying it to the entire corporation. He was introducing structure to his new team. And he did not deviate, either in content or wording.
At first a few executives thought Alan must be joking. No adult running a giant corporation could possibly believe in this seemingly simple disciplined routine, repeated week after week.
But Alan was serious. Structure was imperative at a thriving organization, even more so at a struggling one, which Ford was at that time. What better way to get his team communicating properly than by showing them step by step how great teams communicate?
Yet even with their jobs on the line if they didn’t cooperate, two executives refused to change their behavior in the BPR. It wasn’t long before these two resisters decided to become former Ford executives.
Why would executives be willing to pull the rip cord on their careers rather than adapt to such a simple routine? My only interpretation is ego. In the same way that some surgeons reject the simple proven structure of a checklist for washing their hands, many executives are too proud to admit they need structure. They consider repetitious activity as mundane, uncreative, somehow beneath them.
However, “routine” is one of structure’s major contributions to any change process. It limits our options so that we’re not thrown off course by externalities.
Here are some more examples of the benefits of structure…I’ll bet you can think of some yourself!

• When we follow a recipe we’re relying on structure to simplify the complexity of cooking—and improve our odds of delivering an appealing dish.
• When we formulate our bucket list we’re imposing structure on the rest of our life.
• When we join a reading group, we’re imposing structure on our reading habits (and possibly restructuring our social life).

Successful people know all this intuitively. The rest of us discount structure when it comes to honing our interpersonal behavior. We tell ourselves, I’m a confident, successful adult. I shouldn’t have to constantly monitor if I’m being nice or if people like me. Or we’re so satisfied with how far our behavior has already taken us in life that we smugly reject any reason to change. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Well, if that’s you hat’s off. Me, I want to be better and I know that having structure and doing my best to stick to it is the way to do that!
See The Marshall Goldsmith Thinkers50 Video Blog for more of this video series and please order Triggers at Amazon!
Shutterstock/Kakigori Studio, plasid.

Marshall Goldsmith.

Rebroadcast by K.S.Asnr.

TRAIN OF LIFE.

The us beautiful...

Life is like a journey on a train...
With it's stations...
and with accidents!

We board this train when we are born and our parents are the  ones who get our tickets.
We believe they will always travel on this train with us.
However, at some station, our parents will get off the train, leaving us alone on this journey.
As time goes by, other passengers will board the train, many of whom will be significant- our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of our life.
Many will get off during the course of the journey and leave a permanent vacuum in our lives.
Many will go so unnoticed that we won't even know when they vacated their seats and got off the train!
This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes and farewells.
Agood journey is helping, loving, having good relationship with all cp passengers...
and making sure that we give our best to make their journey comfortable.
The mystery of this  fabulous journey is; we do not know at which station we ourselves are going to get off.
So, we must live in the best way- adjust, forget, forgive, and forget the best of what  we have.
It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to leave our seat... we should leave behind beautiful memories for thos who will continue to travel on the train of life.
Thank you for being one of the important passenger on my  train... dont know when my station will come... don't want to miss sayimg; THANK YOU.
Thank you for boarding my TRAIN OF LIFE.

KINGSMITH.

MY UNBORN CHILD.

This is arguably one of the best lyrics i ever listened to. Great one Banky as you have not dissapointed me.

To My Unborn Child...

To my Unborn Child...

I pray that you go farther
I pray you, or one of your siblings, go to Harvard
I pray me and your Momma found true love
And that we showed by example what it’s made of

I pray that we made you rich
But if we didn’t give you all you want, I pray we gave you all you need
I pray you get the best of me
I pray you’ll strive to be all that you can be

I pray that you find the one
And that you never let her go, don’t be like me son
Or babygirl, yes I pray that you find him,
And that you never let a man treat you like I treated some girlfriends

I pray God makes this clearer:
The only person standing in your way is the one in the mirror
And Most of all, I pray that you win
And that you never ever pay for any one of my sins

... To My Unborn Child.

~ B.W.